So, uh… hey. It’s been a while.
Since I posted last, I finished up my internship in Colorado and started my senior year of college. I’m an RA on the same floor I was on last year and am our Student Government President.
Which… sounds a lot cooler than it really is. But really, I’m enjoying both of my jobs. SGA is actually going well so far and I have a great group of guys on my floor. Luckily, classes this semester are pretty simple. My toughest class would probably be the one where I just had to make a two minute TV infomercial for a spoof compilation CD.
Either that or piano lessons.
On paper, my life looks pretty good. I’m getting good grades, had a great summer (trip to Egypt and internship at a major media company in Colorado), SGA President, yadda yadda. But honestly, the past few months have been some of the most difficult of my life.
It’s only September and people are already starting to ask me what my plans are for the next few years. A few of my friends seem to have their lives all planned out. Some have a specific school or job they’re looking at and almost all of them are getting married.
I don’t, and I’m not.
For the first time in my life, I really have no idea where I’ll be a few months from now. I don’t know what state I’ll be living in. Or what field I will be working in. Or if I can even find a job. If I’ll still be single or my ex-girlfriend will come back to me.
I could be anywhere, with anyone.
I have a very detailed Franklin Covey planner. I just got a Blackberry. I like to plan.
So this is bothering me.
Honestly, I never thought I would be in this situation. I feel like I’m the one who is supposed to be responsible and successful. I’m not supposed to be that 20-something who has no idea what’s going on in life. I feel like I’m supposed to have a plan.
Most of my life, I’ve gotten most of what I wanted (except that PS2 in seventh grade). I realize that. I’m very blessed and haven’t had to suffer through very much.
Right now, there’s so much that I want. And they’re good things. I want to have a job where I can work hard and provide for myself. I want to know where I’m going to be living in a few months. I want so badly to be back with Hannah. I feel like I treated her so well, and so many guys I see in relationships are total jerks. I miss our time together so much.
I’m realizing more and more that what I want is completely irrelevant. I’m used to getting what I want, so this is almost a new discovery. Even if the things that I want are good things, that doesn’t guarantee that I will get them. Even if I work my butt off and have good intentions, that doesn’t necessarily help my chances.
For the next few months, I just have to wait through the crappy situations I’m in now. And that is very difficult to do.
In my RA group, we’re reading through the gospels together. The other day I read Matthew 4. Right after getting baptised (a good thing), Jesus is led to the desert. He went 40 days without food, then was tempted by the devil (not a good thing). He’s mostly tempted by power and authority, but he passes the test.
After 40 days of crap, Matthew says, “Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.”
A lot of good things happened to me a few months ago. Since then, I think I’ve been wandering around the desert, mostly tempted by authority and power. I’ve had food, but it’s been longer than 40 days.
I know I need to just keep going. I can’t even tell you how many people have quoted Jeremiah 29:11 to me. I know it will be ok and that I will come out of this stronger than before.
I’m just excited for those angels to come soon.
